i need an iv and a liver transplant
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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