Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
