if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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