I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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