you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
