Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
