We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
