you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
