If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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