it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
