His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
