...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
