i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
