Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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