Jerry, you need to find god
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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