ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
