Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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