btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I want to be your penis for a week.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
