So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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