Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
