Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
