I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
