i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
