so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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