The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
