Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
