Plan B is the new Plan A
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
