Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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