new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
