The maid of honor just puked.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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