Sponge bath it is.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
