sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
