i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
