Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
