I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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