I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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