Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
