the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
