So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
