I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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