If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
