i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
