no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
