You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
