I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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