I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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