Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
