Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
