You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
