There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
